I think iv just about lost it, lost it enough to go out and pay money for a journal to write in. i always pay a lot of money for those oh-so-pretty designed covers, but i never write in it, or i write in i once, i put it away in a secret hidden draw which also holds a vibrator empty beer cans and bowls and pipes and then it never gets seen again, like everything else in it.  Actually if i go threw that draw it seems like everything in it is stuff i thought i need, a time when i thought " i need more" and they are such pathetic things to run to.

Although its that feeling when arms tense up, your veins in your neck come out, your eyes hurt, you squeeze your fist, you pull your hair out of your own head, and want to through just about everything thats in sight. Sometimes if your real mad, thats when min blackouts start to come. Of course then thats when you realized you reach the point of "i need a cigarette" and sadly, after that, everything goes away. That is till next time something happens and then you think of the dramatic event that just took place and then the last time you were that angry. Oh, yeah, and then of course you go out and by silly little gagets to feel stronger and better about yourself. Or perhaps its just me?

I dont know how all that came from buying a $5.19 journal at CVS